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Traduction - Albanais-Anglais - Anes lumenjve

Etat courantTraduction
Ce texte est disponible dans les langues suivantes: AlbanaisAnglais

Catégorie Poésie

Cette demande de traduction ne concerne que la signification.
Titre
Anes lumenjve
Texte
Proposé par kfeto
Langue de départ: Albanais

Anes lumenjve

Arratisur, syrgjynosur,
Raskapitur dhe katosur
Po vajtonj pa funt, pa shpresë,
Anës Elbës, anës Spree-së.


Ku e lam' e ku na mbeti
Vaj-vatani e mjer-mileti
Anës detit i palarë,
Anës dritës i paparë,
Pranë sofrës i pangrënë,
Pranë dijes i panxënë,
Lakuriq dhe i dregosur,
Trup e shpirt i sakatosur?

Titre
by the rivers
Traduction
Anglais

Traduit par eleonora13
Langue d'arrivée: Anglais

By the rivers

Fugitive, out in exile,
Exhausted, and threatened,
They mourn endlessly and hopeless
By the Elbes, by the Spreese

Where we left it, and where it stayed
Oh the homeland, and the poor nation
Beside the dirty ocean

Beside the light, unseen
Near the dinner table, uneaten
Close by the clue, that doesn't fit,
Naked and tortured,
Body and soul murdered?
Commentaires pour la traduction
Elbes and Spreese are names of rivers in Albania so i left it as it is.
Dernière édition ou validation par lilian canale - 31 Mai 2008 13:09





Derniers messages

Auteur
Message

18 Mai 2008 02:32

lilian canale
Nombre de messages: 14972
Hi eleonora,

Since this seems to be a poem, I'd try to make it look like one in English too.
Perhaps we could change some structures and words to achieve that.

- What about instead of "without end" using "endlessly"
or instead of "without hope" using "hopeless".? I think this line would be quite shorter and similar to the original.
"They mourn endlessly and hopeless"

- beside the Elbes, beside the Spreese (I'd use "by" instead : By the Elbes, by the Spreese)

- "Where we left it"
What does "it" stand for? Wouldn't it be "him"? Isn't it talking about a person? I didn't understand that part.

- Does the original repeat "poor" in the 7th line?

- "unwashed ocean" ?

- Perhaps we can change "mutilated" into "murdered" so that it makes a better rhyme with "tortured".

What do you think?
Poetry is always difficult, but you did a great job. These are just a few suggestions in order to get a nice rhyme. It's up to you, now.


21 Mai 2008 02:18

lilian canale
Nombre de messages: 14972
Hi eleonora13,

Two days later, I'm still waiting...

25 Mai 2008 22:53

eleonora13
Nombre de messages: 19
I'm sorry but I'am having some difficulties with my internet connection lately.I really think that your suggestions are great.Would you like to do the editing?

25 Mai 2008 23:32

lilian canale
Nombre de messages: 14972
Hi eleonora, no problem.
You can edit it if you agree.

31 Mai 2008 20:42

kfeto
Nombre de messages: 953
ok thank you both girls