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Traducerea - Albaneză-Engleză - Anes lumenjve

Status actualTraducerea
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Titlu
Anes lumenjve
Text
Înscris de kfeto
Limba sursă: Albaneză

Anes lumenjve

Arratisur, syrgjynosur,
Raskapitur dhe katosur
Po vajtonj pa funt, pa shpresë,
Anës Elbës, anës Spree-së.


Ku e lam' e ku na mbeti
Vaj-vatani e mjer-mileti
Anës detit i palarë,
Anës dritës i paparë,
Pranë sofrës i pangrënë,
Pranë dijes i panxënë,
Lakuriq dhe i dregosur,
Trup e shpirt i sakatosur?

Titlu
by the rivers
Traducerea
Engleză

Tradus de eleonora13
Limba ţintă: Engleză

By the rivers

Fugitive, out in exile,
Exhausted, and threatened,
They mourn endlessly and hopeless
By the Elbes, by the Spreese

Where we left it, and where it stayed
Oh the homeland, and the poor nation
Beside the dirty ocean

Beside the light, unseen
Near the dinner table, uneaten
Close by the clue, that doesn't fit,
Naked and tortured,
Body and soul murdered?
Observaţii despre traducere
Elbes and Spreese are names of rivers in Albania so i left it as it is.
Validat sau editat ultima dată de către lilian canale - 31 Mai 2008 13:09





Ultimele mesaje

Autor
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18 Mai 2008 02:32

lilian canale
Numărul mesajelor scrise: 14972
Hi eleonora,

Since this seems to be a poem, I'd try to make it look like one in English too.
Perhaps we could change some structures and words to achieve that.

- What about instead of "without end" using "endlessly"
or instead of "without hope" using "hopeless".? I think this line would be quite shorter and similar to the original.
"They mourn endlessly and hopeless"

- beside the Elbes, beside the Spreese (I'd use "by" instead : By the Elbes, by the Spreese)

- "Where we left it"
What does "it" stand for? Wouldn't it be "him"? Isn't it talking about a person? I didn't understand that part.

- Does the original repeat "poor" in the 7th line?

- "unwashed ocean" ?

- Perhaps we can change "mutilated" into "murdered" so that it makes a better rhyme with "tortured".

What do you think?
Poetry is always difficult, but you did a great job. These are just a few suggestions in order to get a nice rhyme. It's up to you, now.


21 Mai 2008 02:18

lilian canale
Numărul mesajelor scrise: 14972
Hi eleonora13,

Two days later, I'm still waiting...

25 Mai 2008 22:53

eleonora13
Numărul mesajelor scrise: 19
I'm sorry but I'am having some difficulties with my internet connection lately.I really think that your suggestions are great.Would you like to do the editing?

25 Mai 2008 23:32

lilian canale
Numărul mesajelor scrise: 14972
Hi eleonora, no problem.
You can edit it if you agree.

31 Mai 2008 20:42

kfeto
Numărul mesajelor scrise: 953
ok thank you both girls