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Переклад - Англійська-Італійська - For a platonic future...

Поточний статусПереклад
Цей текст можна переглянути такими мовами: ПольськаАнглійськаФранцузькаІталійська

Категорія Поезія - Кохання / Дружба

Заголовок
For a platonic future...
Текст
Публікацію зроблено Aneta B.
Мова оригіналу: Англійська Переклад зроблено AleksanderS

For a platonic future...

With my dream
I touch your face
it beams with love
foretelling fidelity
in a platonic future

Your sheltering presence
ensures the joy of existence
ensures warm silence
all over the winter living beside


Заголовок
Per un futuro platonico
Переклад
Італійська

Переклад зроблено GhiRic
Мова, якою перекладати: Італійська

Per un futuro platonico

Con il mio sogno
Tocco la tua faccia
Trasmette con amore
La fedeltà veggente
In un futuro platonico

La tua presenza rassicurante
Assicura la gioia dell'esistenza
Assicura un caldo silenzio
Nello stare vicini durante l'inverno.
Затверджено alexfatt - 26 Лютого 2013 19:18





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2 Січня 2013 23:15

alexfatt
Кількість повідомлень: 1538
Here too, Aneta, do you think the meaning matches the source text?


4 Січня 2013 17:41

Aneta B.
Кількість повідомлень: 4487
Hi GhiRic and Alex,
Thank you for the translation.
It looks very nice to me.

Could we just make the last line shorter?

"Nel inverno del tuo vivere/essere vicino"?

Anyway, I'm not good at Italian enough to suggest anything.

28 Лютого 2013 23:28

Aneta B.
Кількість повідомлень: 4487
Hi Alex,
You know, I'm still not sure of the last line. I know you've already accepted the translation, however the word "vicini" sounds bad to me, because I associate it with emotional "closeness" meanwhile the Polish line means something quite opposite.

"w zimÄ™ naszego trwania OBOK"

It was translated into English
"all over the winter living beside"

"Living beside" or better "our living beside" in this case means that we stay apart, that we stay/live nearby but yet far away (emotionally), because we can't be together anymore. That is why I called this period a "winter" and it doesn't refer to a real season of a year, but it is just a metaphor, a kind of our "life winter" when there is no us anymore.

Hope you see what I mean.



28 Лютого 2013 23:41

GhiRic
Кількість повідомлень: 5
Yes, I understand what you mean.
what about "nello stare vicini durante il FREDDO"?
freddo, cold, might mean that the feelings the two people have reciprocally are not warm anymore, as you mean.
Another possibility could be "il gelo" which I think has a "higher stylistic level".
Let me know what you think!

28 Лютого 2013 23:45

Aneta B.
Кількість повідомлень: 4487
But is the word "vicini" appropriate?

1 Березня 2013 00:04

GhiRic
Кількість повідомлень: 5
mmm, probably if we leave "vicini" it gives a sense of closeness, as you say.
what about "nel nostro vivere nel gelo"?
I hope it is better to you!

1 Березня 2013 00:14

Aneta B.
Кількість повідомлень: 4487
Is "vivere accanto" possible?

1 Березня 2013 00:21

GhiRic
Кількість повідомлень: 5
yes, why not.. vivere accanto is another possibility..

1 Березня 2013 16:37

alexfatt
Кількість повідомлень: 1538
Sorry for having accepted this translation in a hurry! Have you two come to an agreement?

2 Березня 2013 01:03

Aneta B.
Кількість повідомлень: 4487
No problem, Alex

I appreciate all suggestions of the translator. Thanks for them, GhiRic!

I guess English version of the line may bring some misunderstanding. Maybe it lacks some words and it should be read as follows: "all over the winter OF OUR living beside*".

* "living beside" yet means here being emotionally apart. It's about living beside each other but not with each other.

so:
nel inverno + Genetive
nel inverno del nostro vivere accanto?

Alex, maybe I can explain it to you in Latin?
"In hieme nostri vivendi iuxta"


2 Березня 2013 13:03

Aneta B.
Кількість повідомлень: 4487
Hi guys,

I've just come up with an idea that maybe an adjective "invernale"/"freddo" (?) would work here. In the English epression "winter living beside" a word "winter" was just used as an adjective that discribes a noun "living".
What do you think?