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翻訳 - 英語 -イタリア語 - For a platonic future...

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カテゴリ 詩歌 - 愛 / 友情

タイトル
For a platonic future...
テキスト
Aneta B.様が投稿しました
原稿の言語: 英語 AleksanderS様が翻訳しました

For a platonic future...

With my dream
I touch your face
it beams with love
foretelling fidelity
in a platonic future

Your sheltering presence
ensures the joy of existence
ensures warm silence
all over the winter living beside


タイトル
Per un futuro platonico
翻訳
イタリア語

GhiRic様が翻訳しました
翻訳の言語: イタリア語

Per un futuro platonico

Con il mio sogno
Tocco la tua faccia
Trasmette con amore
La fedeltà veggente
In un futuro platonico

La tua presenza rassicurante
Assicura la gioia dell'esistenza
Assicura un caldo silenzio
Nello stare vicini durante l'inverno.
最終承認・編集者 alexfatt - 2013年 2月 26日 19:18





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投稿者
投稿1

2013年 1月 2日 23:15

alexfatt
投稿数: 1538
Here too, Aneta, do you think the meaning matches the source text?


2013年 1月 4日 17:41

Aneta B.
投稿数: 4487
Hi GhiRic and Alex,
Thank you for the translation.
It looks very nice to me.

Could we just make the last line shorter?

"Nel inverno del tuo vivere/essere vicino"?

Anyway, I'm not good at Italian enough to suggest anything.

2013年 2月 28日 23:28

Aneta B.
投稿数: 4487
Hi Alex,
You know, I'm still not sure of the last line. I know you've already accepted the translation, however the word "vicini" sounds bad to me, because I associate it with emotional "closeness" meanwhile the Polish line means something quite opposite.

"w zimÄ™ naszego trwania OBOK"

It was translated into English
"all over the winter living beside"

"Living beside" or better "our living beside" in this case means that we stay apart, that we stay/live nearby but yet far away (emotionally), because we can't be together anymore. That is why I called this period a "winter" and it doesn't refer to a real season of a year, but it is just a metaphor, a kind of our "life winter" when there is no us anymore.

Hope you see what I mean.



2013年 2月 28日 23:41

GhiRic
投稿数: 5
Yes, I understand what you mean.
what about "nello stare vicini durante il FREDDO"?
freddo, cold, might mean that the feelings the two people have reciprocally are not warm anymore, as you mean.
Another possibility could be "il gelo" which I think has a "higher stylistic level".
Let me know what you think!

2013年 2月 28日 23:45

Aneta B.
投稿数: 4487
But is the word "vicini" appropriate?

2013年 3月 1日 00:04

GhiRic
投稿数: 5
mmm, probably if we leave "vicini" it gives a sense of closeness, as you say.
what about "nel nostro vivere nel gelo"?
I hope it is better to you!

2013年 3月 1日 00:14

Aneta B.
投稿数: 4487
Is "vivere accanto" possible?

2013年 3月 1日 00:21

GhiRic
投稿数: 5
yes, why not.. vivere accanto is another possibility..

2013年 3月 1日 16:37

alexfatt
投稿数: 1538
Sorry for having accepted this translation in a hurry! Have you two come to an agreement?

2013年 3月 2日 01:03

Aneta B.
投稿数: 4487
No problem, Alex

I appreciate all suggestions of the translator. Thanks for them, GhiRic!

I guess English version of the line may bring some misunderstanding. Maybe it lacks some words and it should be read as follows: "all over the winter OF OUR living beside*".

* "living beside" yet means here being emotionally apart. It's about living beside each other but not with each other.

so:
nel inverno + Genetive
nel inverno del nostro vivere accanto?

Alex, maybe I can explain it to you in Latin?
"In hieme nostri vivendi iuxta"


2013年 3月 2日 13:03

Aneta B.
投稿数: 4487
Hi guys,

I've just come up with an idea that maybe an adjective "invernale"/"freddo" (?) would work here. In the English epression "winter living beside" a word "winter" was just used as an adjective that discribes a noun "living".
What do you think?