Prevod - Portugalski-Japanski - Lembra de mim!Dos beijos que ...

Hi Ian, Mikhail asked me to provide a bridge so that you could evaluate his translation.
I must say that for being lyrics, the original is rhymed, but the bridge isn't.
Here you are:

Remember me!
The kisses I wrote
On the walls with a chalk
The most beautiful ones
Still remain there
Proving that
Someone was happy...

Remember me!
We both on the streets
teasing the couples
Loving more
Than what love is capable
Near here
Long ago...

Remember me!
We always used
To marry under the moonlight
Then we used to throw
Our bodies into the sea
So wrecked
And exhausted of making love...

Remember me!
If there's a bit of
Pleasure in suffering
To wish to see you
Perhaps I were able
Near here
Or too late


The last stanza is exactly that, it makes little sense, I guess...

CC: IanMegill2

The Japanese says:
---(start)---
Please don't forget me...
Or the remains of the kiss that I carved with chalk into the wall...
As I record my memories of the time when someone was happy...
From now on as well, a beautiful thing (or person) will always continue to be there...

Please don't forget me...
Of the time(s) we cuddled by the roadside...
Of the time that we loved each other so much that we couldn't actually make it real...
Even though that was many years ago...

Please don't forget me...
We loved each other too much, so much that we became completely tired, after the two of us went to have fun at the sea ....
We always held marriage ceremonies under the light of the moon....

Please don't forget me...
If there is even a little happiness (contained) within suffering...
I definitely want to meet you...
Even right away...
No, but I suppose it might turn out to be later on (in the future)...
---(end)---
This is a VERY LITERAL translation, in order to allow you to "read the Japanese" as it were.
I notice the punctuation certainly wasn't exactly the same, but anyway, now you know what the Japanese says!
I can't read Portuguese, so I can't give him the benefit of the doubt. Some of the meanings here seem to be pretty far from the bridge you wrote in English, but I'm afraid to reject it, because of the possibility of other meanings in Portuguese...
(And I guess with a little polishing, it might reflect the original enough to be approved, too...? Anyway, I'm always here if you need more information...)

Sorry, no CC...

CC: lilian canale

Thanks, Master

I think the meaning and wording in your bridge is a lot different from the original.
You are the expert for Japanese and the one who will have to "polish" Mikhail's version if you want to accept it.
I just gave you the meaning the original has.

Hi Mihail,
The other English expert (who is also an expert in Portuguese) has said that your version is quite different from the original's meaning...
Can you read her English version above, please? It might give you some good hints about how to correct your translation...
I don't want to reject it, before you have had a chance to correct it...
---
もう一人の英語のエキスパートがミハイルさんの和訳とポルトガル語の原文が、内容的には、だいぶ食い違っていると教えてくれて（彼女はポルトガル語のエキスパートでもあって、信頼できると思いますが）、どうしましょう？
よかったら、ミハイルさんが彼女の以上に書いてある英訳を参照して、今の和訳を直しますか？

よろしくおねがいします

＞Megil先生
はい、直していきます。ですが、僕も精神的に疲れているので
少しずつになってしまいますが、それでもよろしいでしょうか？　私もあまり英語、ポルトガル語は得意なものではないですので。


"刻む"というのは[b]"大切な想い出を残しておきたい時にする行為"という意味があります。ホントにTo carveするわけではありません。
ここで"刻む"にしたのは、話し手が"想いをたっぷり込めて、キスの跡を残した"というニュアンスを含めたかったからです。

"どうか僕を忘れないでくれ!
僕がチョークで描いたキスの跡を

中でも一番美しいのが、誰かが幸せだった頃の思い出を残して、まだそこにはあるんだ

僕らは二人とも、道端のカップルをからかって…"
"What love is capable."が意味不明です。
CapableってここではPossibleの意味なのかと思いましたが…

To all concerned:
Mihail has said he'll keep working on this text, and give it more thought to make it correspond better to the original.
---
ミハイルさんへ
どうぞ、ごゆっくりと！
確かに、「刻む」という使い方には、「心に刻む」という場合、「思い出として残して置きたい」という意味になるが、「壁に刻む」とのもそうですか？別に疑っているという訳ではないよ、ただ、はじめて聞きました！
それで、よかったら、翻訳の下にある青い「編集する」ボタンを使って、どうぞそれぞれの書き直しを和訳に直接書き込んでください。全部終わったら、また連絡頂ければ、改めてチェックできます。その方が僕には能率的で時間を取らないから、お願いしたいと思います。
※"than what love is capable" = "than love can"
では、よろしくお願いします。

ありがとうございます。
この場合は「想い(キス)を刻む」対象がたまたま壁だったので、「壁に刻む」という表現になっただけです。

ですので、想いを何処かに刻む時にそれが石ならば
「石に刻む」、岩なら「岩に刻む」、壁なら「壁に刻む」、
砂なら「砂に刻む」…

という感じになっていくのです。

正直、刻む対象は何でも良いわけなのです。