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Перевод - Французский-Английский - Mon Mistigri, mon infidèle, Tu dois venir quand...Текущий статус Перевод
Категория Поэзия - Искусства / Создание / Воображение | Mon Mistigri, mon infidèle, Tu dois venir quand... | | Язык, с которого нужно перевести: Французский
Mon Mistigri, mon infidèle,
Tu dois venir quand je t'appelle,
Au lieu de courir la souris
Tout le jour et encor la nuit.
Je n'aime pas cette manière
De te sauver dans les jardins
Quand je t'ai préparé du pain,
Et de la sauce et du gruyère...
Tu en connais, toi, des maîtresses
Aussi patientes que je suis,
Et qui vous font milles caresses
Après qu'on s'est si mal conduit ?
| Комментарии для переводчика | I understand the text, but I want it to be translated in a "poetic" way! And I am not good at poetry.
(Title of this poetry from Jean Desmeuzes is : "semonce à Mistigri") |
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| My Mistigri, my infidel, you shall come when,,, | ПереводАнглийский
Перевод сделан  swe27 | Язык, на который нужно перевести: Английский
My Mistigri, my infidel
You must come when I yell,
Instead of running after mice,
all day and all of the night.
You have one habit that I dread
Of sneaking out to the trees
When I have made you some bread
With sauce and gruyère cheese
You're lucky to have a mistress
As patient as I am
Ready to give you a caress
For a behaviour I should condemn
| Комментарии для переводчика | Slight changes to make it rhyme,,
Since it's poetic I agree that it's a bit tricky,,
No straight translation.
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Последнее изменение было внесено пользователем Tantine - 3 Март 2008 23:58
Последнее сообщение | | | | |
24 Февраль 2008 14:06 | | | Hello swe27, "se sauver" means "to run away", "to escape", not "to save" | | |
25 Февраль 2008 01:11 | | | Hi swe27
Wow, I'm impressed, you got this to rhyme 
I think you should use "have to" rather than shall, as the original is quite imperative.
I wonder whether we could shorten the second line, which is a bit "clumsy". I thought we might be able to put "you should obey me when I yell" (so as it rhymes with "infidel"  .
Third line - what about "Instead of running after mice". "Mice" and "night" are close enough rhymes.
Then "You have one habit that I dread
Of sneaking out to the trees
When I have made you some bread
With sauce and gruyère cheese
You're lucky to have a mistress
As patient as I am
And ready to give you a caress
For behaviour I should condemn"
This is only a suggestion, you seem to know how difficult poetry can be.
Let me know what you think
Bises
Tantine
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25 Февраль 2008 08:24 | | | I agree with Tantine, about lines #2 and #3 that have to be edited, as line #2 suggested by her is closer in rythm to the original, then at line#3 "running after mice" is the correct meaning.
 Good work though, as it isn't that obvious translating poetries into a language that isn't the one you speak fluent, swe27 | | |
25 Февраль 2008 13:30 | |
swe27Кол-во сообщений: 33 | | | |
25 Февраль 2008 14:08 | | | I agree with Francky, you've done a great job with this 
It would still make for better reading in English if we change from "shall" to "have to" or "ought to" or "must".
Bises
Tantine |
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