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Käännös - Ranska-Englanti - Mon Mistigri, mon infidèle, Tu dois venir quand...

Tämänhetkinen tilanneKäännös
Tämä teksti on saatavilla seuraavilla kielillä: RanskaHollantiEnglanti

Kategoria Runous - Taiteet / Luominen / Mielikuvitus

Otsikko
Mon Mistigri, mon infidèle, Tu dois venir quand...
Teksti
Lähettäjä Francky5591
Alkuperäinen kieli: Ranska

Mon Mistigri, mon infidèle,
Tu dois venir quand je t'appelle,
Au lieu de courir la souris
Tout le jour et encor la nuit.
Je n'aime pas cette manière
De te sauver dans les jardins
Quand je t'ai préparé du pain,
Et de la sauce et du gruyère...
Tu en connais, toi, des maîtresses
Aussi patientes que je suis,
Et qui vous font milles caresses
Après qu'on s'est si mal conduit ?

Huomioita käännöksestä
I understand the text, but I want it to be translated in a "poetic" way! And I am not good at poetry.

(Title of this poetry from Jean Desmeuzes is : "semonce à Mistigri")

Otsikko
My Mistigri, my infidel, you shall come when,,,
Käännös
Englanti

Kääntäjä swe27
Kohdekieli: Englanti

My Mistigri, my infidel
You must come when I yell,
Instead of running after mice,
all day and all of the night.
You have one habit that I dread
Of sneaking out to the trees
When I have made you some bread
With sauce and gruyère cheese
You're lucky to have a mistress
As patient as I am
Ready to give you a caress
For a behaviour I should condemn
Huomioita käännöksestä
Slight changes to make it rhyme,,
Since it's poetic I agree that it's a bit tricky,,
No straight translation.
Viimeksi tarkastanut tai toimittanut Tantine - 3 Maaliskuu 2008 23:58





Viimeinen viesti

Kirjoittaja
Lähetä

24 Helmikuu 2008 14:06

Francky5591
Viestien lukumäärä: 12396
Hello swe27, "se sauver" means "to run away", "to escape", not "to save"

25 Helmikuu 2008 01:11

Tantine
Viestien lukumäärä: 2747
Hi swe27

Wow, I'm impressed, you got this to rhyme

I think you should use "have to" rather than shall, as the original is quite imperative.

I wonder whether we could shorten the second line, which is a bit "clumsy". I thought we might be able to put "you should obey me when I yell" (so as it rhymes with "infidel".

Third line - what about "Instead of running after mice". "Mice" and "night" are close enough rhymes.

Then "You have one habit that I dread
Of sneaking out to the trees
When I have made you some bread
With sauce and gruyère cheese
You're lucky to have a mistress
As patient as I am
And ready to give you a caress
For behaviour I should condemn"

This is only a suggestion, you seem to know how difficult poetry can be.

Let me know what you think

Bises
Tantine

25 Helmikuu 2008 08:24

Francky5591
Viestien lukumäärä: 12396
I agree with Tantine, about lines #2 and #3 that have to be edited, as line #2 suggested by her is closer in rythm to the original, then at line#3 "running after mice" is the correct meaning.

Good work though, as it isn't that obvious translating poetries into a language that isn't the one you speak fluent, swe27

25 Helmikuu 2008 13:30

swe27
Viestien lukumäärä: 33
Thank you!


25 Helmikuu 2008 14:08

Tantine
Viestien lukumäärä: 2747
I agree with Francky, you've done a great job with this

It would still make for better reading in English if we change from "shall" to "have to" or "ought to" or "must".

Bises
Tantine