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Переклад - Польська-Англійська - Dziecko z kolejki SKM

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Заголовок
Dziecko z kolejki SKM
Текст
Публікацію зроблено Aneta B.
Мова оригіналу: Польська

Dziecko z kolejki SKM

to ty
dziecko od różańca
brudne
z kolejki
musisz cierpieć
ja tak nie muszÄ™

to ty
będziesz później
w kącie płakać
bo tata kupi wódkę
a tobie nic
a potem ciÄ™ nauczy
mama
jak wypłakać zdrowaśkę
żebym z litości
dała
tobie i tak nic

to ty
będziesz kiedyś nienawidzić
ludzi
których ja będę
kochała
będziesz ich opluwać
bo są szczęśliwi
a ja pocieszać
by takimi pozostali

i nigdy się więcej
nie spotkamy
mój mały biedaczku
z kolejki
bo ja mam cierpieć
inaczej
choć będzie ci się
wydawało

że tylko się w życiu
śmieję
i obojętnieję
patrzÄ…c jak cierpisz

wybacz
nie umiem ci pomóc
dziecko
i nie umiem wytłumaczyć
tobie
sobie
dlaczego
Пояснення стосовно перекладу
kolejka SKM = Szybka Kolej Miejska (nie wiem, czy poza Trójmiastem coś takiego funkcjonuje, nie mówiąc już o innych krajach)

SKM - Fast Commuter Train or Fast Municipal Railway (these are standard English translations of our fast train in ThreeCity when I live, so maybe the English short can be FCT or FMR with a proper note under a poem)

Заголовок
The kid from SKM
Переклад
Англійська

Переклад зроблено iluvmilka
Мова, якою перекладати: Англійська

The kid from SKM

It’s you
A kid of the rosary,
Grimy,
From the commuter rail
You have to suffer
I don’t

It’s you
Later on
you’ll be crying in a corner
When your daddy will get himself some vodka
Leaving you with nothing
And later on your mommy
Will teach you how to cry
Another Hail Mary
But I will give you nothing
Anyway

You
Are going to hate
the people
Who I am going
to love
You'll spit on them
Because they are so joyful
And I’ll comfort them
So that they stay happy

And never again
I’ll meet you,
My poor little fellow
From the commuter rail,
As I am destined to
Suffer in a different way
Although it will seem to you

That the only thing I am doing in my life
Is having fun
And looking at your suffering
Indifferently

Forgive me
I cannot help you,
Child
And I cannot explain
To you
and to myself
Why
Пояснення стосовно перекладу
As Aneta said before, SKM is a commuter line in Poland, and I believe it should not be translated. Just a little annotation should be added at the bottom explaining what SKM stands for.
:)
Затверджено lilian canale - 2 Листопада 2009 10:49





Останні повідомлення

Автор
Повідомлення

26 Жовтня 2009 14:22

iluvmilka
Кількість повідомлень: 77
Ok Aneta, so as you wished, I changed "I will give you nothing." and smiling -> having a laugh.
Also i looked at that vodka bit and changed the 11th line into 'leaving you with nothing"
Finally, i agree with you that 'kid' might be more appropriate but i've not found 'a kid of rosary' expression hence i dont know if its correct. But if it is (Experts, what do you think?) we can always change it

26 Жовтня 2009 15:15

Aneta B.
Кількість повідомлень: 4487
"having a laugh" - super!
"leaving you with nothing" - super!

Do you think "dziecko od różańca" (your "child of rosary" )is a common expression? But it is rather not...
I have used the expression as my own label, which means litterally:
"a kid [who is walking and praying in front of people] with a rosary (to earn money in this way)" --> very young begger using a rosary to make people merciful...

26 Жовтня 2009 15:35

Aneta B.
Кількість повідомлень: 4487
"I will give you nothing
Out of pity"

Hm, I don't know if it conveys the meaning... Maybe this will be better, Ania:

...your mommy
Will teach you how to cry
Another Hail Mary
But I will give you nothing
Inspite of that


What do you think?

26 Жовтня 2009 15:46

iluvmilka
Кількість повідомлень: 77
yea I like the last one and obviousl we can use "kid" as you said you'd used it as your own label
good good

26 Жовтня 2009 15:50

iluvmilka
Кількість повідомлень: 77
but i've used "anyway" instead of "despite of that" as it's a common, informal expression that i find quite appropriate in this case and also anyway can be used before the new paragraph

if you're still not happy with that, tell me

26 Жовтня 2009 16:04

Aneta B.
Кількість повідомлень: 4487
I am very happy, Ania, with it!!! Thank you! You can edit according to our ideas...

26 Жовтня 2009 16:19

Aneta B.
Кількість повідомлень: 4487
Great! "Child" in the last verse is very good... Because, finally, I think about him even like about my own child... whom I can't help - unfortunately! So great shot of yours...

Could you also think how to replace the word "happy"? It is a repetition in the verse...

26 Жовтня 2009 16:44

iluvmilka
Кількість повідомлень: 77
how about
1). Because they are so FORTUNATE
And I’ll be comforting them
So they stay happy
or
2). Because they are so happy
And I’ll be comforting them
So they stay THE WAY THEY ARE

26 Жовтня 2009 16:54

Aneta B.
Кількість повідомлень: 4487
I like the propositions, Ania. Let's waite for experts.. They probably will tell us what is better...
Thank you so much once again!

26 Жовтня 2009 17:48

lilian canale
Кількість повідомлень: 14972
Hi Aneta, Hi Ania

Well I guess I'm getting to this translation after you two agreed about it. That leaves me (after reading ALL those post above) the only action of suggesting the changes that we need in order to correct the English.
Here it goes:

The kid from SKM

It’s you
(-)Kid of the rosary,
Grimy,
From the commuter rail
You have to suffer
I don’t

It’s you
Later on
you’ll be crying in a corner
(-) Your daddy getting some vodka
And you, getting nothing
And later on, your mommy
Will teach you how to cry
Another Hail Mary
But I will give you nothing
Anyway

You
Are going to hate
the people
(-)I am going
to love
You’ll spit on them
Because they are so joyful
And I’ll comfort them
So that they stay happy

And never again
I’ll meet you,
My poor little fellow
From the commuter rail,
As I am destined to
Suffer in a different way
Although it will seem to you

That the only thing I am doing in (-) life
Is having fun
And looking at your suffering
Indifferently

Forgive me
I cannot help you,
Child
And I cannot explain
To you
and to myself
Why


26 Жовтня 2009 19:27

Aneta B.
Кількість повідомлень: 4487
Lilly, I really appreciate the way you acted here… Yeeees, I just was sure you will start your suggestions just after our discussions with Ania…
Moreover I really believe we need to determine our common version (conveying the Polish source) with Ania before you will start helping us to improve the English version… So I like the way of our cooperation so much. Thank you, my dear Lilly!

I like your suggestions very much!
I have already thought about changing “Is having a laugh” into “Is having fun”… But I wasn’t sure of that, because I talked rather about “laughing” not “having fun” in Polish version… But thinking it over once again I am quite convinced now that “having fun” is even better, because it means not only “laughing” but also some other things like playing, enjoying the life, lack of cares and so on… To sum up, “having fun” is much more meaningful expression and it suits here very well I guess.

I’m not sure only about following lines:

(-) Your daddy getting some vodka
And you, getting nothing

In Polish version we have here direct connection with the previous line:
“you’ll be crying in a corner” -->
--> just because your daddy will get some vodka =because he will waste your money (made from begging!) for his vodka
-->and he will buy nothing to you for the money!

The rest suggestions are very fine! Thank you!!!

26 Жовтня 2009 20:50

lilian canale
Кількість повідомлень: 14972
Seeing you daddy?

btw...daddy/mommy are too affectionate terms to name the kid's parents.
I'd use just mother/father

"you'll be crying in a corner
Seeing your father getting some vodka
And you, getting nothing"

27 Жовтня 2009 00:50

Aneta B.
Кількість повідомлень: 4487
Maybe "Mum", "Dad" will be ok? The kids often call their parents in this nice way, though the parents often don't diserve it...

Yes, after the last corrections the lines sound fine...

27 Жовтня 2009 00:14

Aneta B.
Кількість повідомлень: 4487
Ania, do you agree with our new suggestions. If you do, edit the translation, please.

30 Жовтня 2009 11:15

lilian canale
Кількість повідомлень: 14972
Ania? Are you there?

30 Жовтня 2009 15:40

iluvmilka
Кількість повідомлень: 77
Yes, I am, just hold on a second, i'll have a look

30 Жовтня 2009 15:47

iluvmilka
Кількість повідомлень: 77
ok, i've looked at Lilly's correction i think i've fixed everything. so Aneta, im still not sure if you want to use Mummy/Daddy or Mum/Dad
your choice

30 Жовтня 2009 15:48

Aneta B.
Кількість повідомлень: 4487
But, what about "mommy" and "daddy"? Maybe "mum" and "dad" would be better, Ania?

30 Жовтня 2009 20:40

iluvmilka
Кількість повідомлень: 77
To be honest, i really don't know.
I just thought that by using mommy/daddy it would sound more like speaking to a child ( we usually use a nice language when we talk to the kids and also that might show what this child felt - eg did not blame the parents?) I dont know really, these are just mine assumptions but the poem is yours so you choose
either one will do

31 Жовтня 2009 21:39

Aneta B.
Кількість повідомлень: 4487
I agree with you Ania. The kids don't blame their parents, though they could...
I would accept this version.
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