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Переклад - Польська-Англійська - Åšwieżo upieczeni

Поточний статусПереклад
Цей текст можна переглянути такими мовами: ПольськаАнглійська

Категорія Поезія - Кохання / Дружба

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Świeżo upieczeni
Текст
Публікацію зроблено Aneta B.
Мова оригіналу: Польська

Świeżo upieczeni

Boimy siÄ™
Czasu – złodzieja
Raz za szybki raz siÄ™ wlecze
Każe się zaraz żegnać
Daje i odbiera

Dziwimy siÄ™
Zazdrości przyjaciół
Bo taka niesprawiedliwa
Nie może zrozumieć
Jak jesteśmy szczęśliwi

Tęsknimy za sobą od wczoraj
Panicznie oddalając samotność
Myśli wiszą nam na słuchawce
Z nienasycenia spotkaniem

A może jeszcze zadzwonić?

Nieufnie uczymy się sobie ufać
Dźwigając kamienie przeszłości
Naiwnie wierzymy że się uda bez bólu
Napełnieni świętą radością

Nie słuchamy co mówi nam świat

Świeżo upieczonych przyjaciół
Żałosne próby
Uczynienia nieba na ziemi
Пояснення стосовно перекладу
British English

Заголовок
Fledglings
Переклад
Англійська

Переклад зроблено iluvmilka
Мова, якою перекладати: Англійська

Fledglings

We are afraid of
Time – the thief
Once it is too fast, the next time it crawls,
Tells you to say goodbye
Gives and takes

We’re surprised at
Our friends’ envy
As it is so unjust
As it cannot understand
How happy we are

We’ve missed each other since yesterday
Turning away from loneliness frantically
Our thoughts hanging on the handset
Insatiably hungry for another meeting

Maybe I should try to call again?

Suspiciously, we (still) try to trust each other
Carrying the past on our shoulders
Foolishly believing we'll no longer feel pain
Filled with holy joy.

We’re not listening to what the world is telling us

Fledgling friends
Pathetic attempts
Of making heaven on earth
Пояснення стосовно перекладу
I love that poem, it's so truthful
Затверджено lilian canale - 20 Листопада 2009 13:02





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17 Жовтня 2009 22:44

Aneta B.
Кількість повідомлень: 4487
Thank you, Ania! I like the translation very much...

franticly --> frantically

18 Жовтня 2009 00:46

Aneta B.
Кількість повідомлень: 4487
"Fondly we believe in painless"

I'm not sure if it shouldn't be:

Fondly we imagine/hope that it would be without pain

or sth similar...?

18 Жовтня 2009 14:17

iluvmilka
Кількість повідомлень: 77
"fondly we believe in painless filling"
isn't that right?
we can obviously use your version if you want
what do our experts think of it ?

21 Жовтня 2009 13:20

Aneta B.
Кількість повідомлень: 4487
Ania, I have some more doubts about some words..., but maybe I am wrong of course...

"Panicznie oddalając samotność"

you translated: "Rebutting the loneliness frantically"

I don't know "rebut" is a best word.

"oddalajÄ…c" literally means: moving away/receding/staving off

frantically??
panicznie = in a panic...

21 Жовтня 2009 19:33

iluvmilka
Кількість повідомлень: 77
Aneta, I have translated it the way i have because i thought i'd more appropriate but if you want to change it then do it Just remember that some of the phrases should not be translated literally, especially in poetry.
Good luck xx

21 Жовтня 2009 19:44

Aneta B.
Кількість повідомлень: 4487
I can understand it, Ania. Just said about my doubts, but can be wrong.

I don't feel English like people who speak it regularly... So, I know my suggeations can sound artificial..

But I always prefer discussing than keeping silence... Thanks to it I learn a lot from all of you!

22 Жовтня 2009 16:56

iluvmilka
Кількість повідомлень: 77
ok What do our experts think of it? Shall we use any of Aneta's suggestions, would they fit in?


14 Листопада 2009 12:11

lilian canale
Кількість повідомлень: 14972
HI girls,

This one seems to be a bit hard to render into English

Ania, you have done a great work here, but the opinion of the author herself, has to be taken into account

@ Aneta, in a translation of a poem we can't stick to literal translations of some words, but try to find a way to convey the meaning of the words, the feelings of the author.
I'd like you not to try to translate, but to explain in different words some parts so that we can get the best of your poem, OK?

Let's start with this part:

"Distrustful, we are trying to trust ourselves
Bearing stamps impressed by the past
Fondly we believe in painless
Filling of world with happiness"

What do you mean?

14 Листопада 2009 15:20

Aneta B.
Кількість повідомлень: 4487
Well, Lilly, I really understand and agree with what you typed... Believe me. I wanted only to give you literal translation for understanding the(misterious )Polish source correctly and then you would be able to propose sth really perfect as usual.
Translating of poems is quite like translating proverbs or idiomatic expressions... It shouldn't be litteral at all!
I really believe you do the best for my poems and for ...

Was the last question of yours directed to me or to Ania?

14 Листопада 2009 15:23

lilian canale
Кількість повідомлень: 14972
To you, Aneta

14 Листопада 2009 15:57

Aneta B.
Кількість повідомлень: 4487
"Nieufnie uczymy się sobie ufać
Dźwigając kamienie przeszłości
Naiwnie wierzymy że się uda bez bólu
Napełnieni świętą radością"

Ania's translation:
"Distrustful, we are trying to trust ourselves
Bearing stamps impressed by the past
Fondly we believe in painless
Filling of world with happiness"

One line I explained above.

So, that's my explanation and literal translation

1. "Distrustfully we are trying to trust each other"
--> I mean here: Though we are usually (in general) distrustful persons, we (inspite of that)are trying to trust each other;

2. Bearing stamps impressed by the past"
--> well I can't propose anything else, because it is an idiom. In Polish language the idiom litterally sounds "Caring the stones of the past" (what means: trying to deal with the past);

3. "Fondly we believe/hope that it would be without pain"
--> Fondly we believe/hope= We are naive that we believe/hope...
-->"...that it would be without pain" - that there won't be pain anymore;

4. "Filling up with(full of) holy happiness".

Hope it was helpful, dear Lilly...



14 Листопада 2009 16:45

lilian canale
Кількість повідомлень: 14972
Hum...

What about this:

"Suspiciously, we (still) try to trust each other
Carrying the past on our shoulders
Foolishly believing we'll no longer feel pain
Filled with holy joy" ?

16 Листопада 2009 11:48

lilian canale
Кількість повідомлень: 14972
Girls?

16 Листопада 2009 12:17

Aneta B.
Кількість повідомлень: 4487
Sorry, Lilly. I didn't get any notification about your post here...

IMHO your version is excellent!
Do you agree, Ania?

16 Листопада 2009 14:34

iluvmilka
Кількість повідомлень: 77
Yes, its absolutely fine