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Переклад - Іспанська-Англійська - "La Soledad" by Laura Pausini

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Цей текст можна переглянути такими мовами: ІспанськаПортугальська (Бразилія)Англійська

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Заголовок
"La Soledad" by Laura Pausini
Текст
Публікацію зроблено Triton21
Мова оригіналу: Іспанська

Marco se ha marchado para no volver,
el tren de la mañana llega ya sin él,
es sólo un corazón con alma de metal,
en esa niebla gris que envuelve la ciudad.
Su banco está vacío, Marco sigue en mí,
le siento respirar, pienso que sigue aquí,
ni la distancia enorme puede dividir
dos corazones y un solo latir.

Quizá si tú piensas en mí,
si a nadie tú quieres hablar,
si tú te escondes como yo.
Si huyes de todo y si te vas,
pronto a la cama sin cenar,
si aprietas fuerte contra tí
la almohada y te echas a llorar
si tú no sabes cuanto mal
te hará la soledad.

Miro en mi diario tu fotografía
con ojos de muchacho un poco tímido.
la aprieto contra el pecho y me parece que
estás aquí, entre inglés y matemáticas.
tu padre y sus consejos, que monotonía,
por causa del trabajo y otras tonterías,
te ha llevado lejos sin contar contigo,
te ha dicho: "Un día lo comprenderás".

Quizá si tú piensas en mí,
con los amigos te verás,
tratando sólo de olvidar,
no es nada fácil, la verdad,
en clase ya no puedo más,
y por las tardes es peor,
no tengo ganas de estudiar
por tí mi pensamiento va.

Es imposible dividir así la vida de los dos,
por eso, espérame cariño mio
conserva la ilusión.

La soledad entre los dos,
este silencio en mi interior,
esa inquietud de ver pasar así
la vida sin tu amor.
por eso, espérame
porque esto no puede suceder,
es imposible separar así
la historia de los dos
Пояснення стосовно перекладу
This is a Spanish adaptation of the Italian song "La Solitudine" by Laura Pausini.

I am searching for both a U.S. English and Brazilian Portuguese translation of this song with a poetic license that rhymes in each respective translation.

Thank you. :)

Заголовок
"Loneliness" by Laura Pausini
Переклад
Англійська

Переклад зроблено lilian canale
Мова, якою перекладати: Англійська

Marco went away, he will never return,
early morning train arrives, but he's not in
it's just a poor heart carrying a metal soul
in that gray atmosphere surrounding the town.
The desk is now empty. Marco is just in me,
I can feel him breathing, here he still is,
not even the distance can set us two apart
two hearts are beating the same track .

Perhaps if you too think of me,
if to nobody you will talk,
if you decide to hide like me.
If you run away and just leave
quickly to bed without a meal
if you tighten hard towards you
the pillow and the tears flow
you don't know how much sorrow causes
loneliness.



I look at your picture in my diary
with the anxious eyes of a bit clumsy guy.
I hold it against my chest and get to feel
you are still between English and Mathematics.
Dad and his advice, those are too boring things
because of work and other fool stuff like these,
he took you away, no matter where you want to be
saying: " Someday you will understand ".

Perhaps if you too think of me
with your friends still will be
just trying not to suffer more
that will be hard, I sure bet
in class, I just pretend to think
and in the afternoons it's worse
No care for books my love for on you
I'm thinking all the way.


It can't be possible divide so fast the life we both can have
I ask you, wait for me, my dear love
keep the illusion.

Loneliness of you and me
this silence hurts here inside me
this restlessness of watching life
passing without you love.
I ask you, wait for me
because this can't be true my love
the story of two hearts can't just be
moved apart like this.



Пояснення стосовно перекладу
I tried to keep the rhyme as much as possible, but these are too different languages in structure and this was the best I got.
Feel free to give suggestions.
Затверджено Francky5591 - 26 Травня 2008 15:03





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Повідомлення

25 Травня 2008 02:00

Triton21
Кількість повідомлень: 124
I have reviewed your translation, Lilian and before anything, I would like to thank you for putting your time and effort into such a long translation.

It is clearly an accurate translation, however, not yet exactly what I want.

Perhaps try making the number of syllables present in the English translation equal to those in the original Spanish text. As it is a song, I would like the English translation to stay on beat with the song.

Of course that will require adding words that could potentially create slight redundancy, but that I do not mind.

If you need to rearrange lines within a particular stanza to facilitate things, that is quite alright, too as long as the message remains intact.

And of course, as you mentioned, English and Spanish are quite different in structure, so if you need to change things a bit for a better rhyme in English, by all means do so.

Be as creative as you'd like--I trust you!

Thank you.


25 Травня 2008 02:17

lilian canale
Кількість повідомлень: 14972
WOW Triton, that's all I needed to read!

Just give me a bit more time and I'll get you a perfectly rhymed song in English (and in Portuguese as well )


25 Травня 2008 05:58

lilian canale
Кількість повідомлень: 14972
Hi Triton,

I've been working on this English version the same way I did with the Portuguese one, I think it is a little better now. However I feel I can improve it.
Just need a little more time, OK?

Tell me what you think. Try to sing it and feel the time.

26 Травня 2008 02:54

lilian canale
Кількість повідомлень: 14972
Hi Triton, your turn!

This was my best shot.

26 Травня 2008 11:00

Triton21
Кількість повідомлень: 124
Hi Lilian

I have read through your translation and you did a very nice job.

I decided, however, to take a slightly different direction with the English translation, and as I was feeling quite creative today, I was able to come up with a translation on my own which I am satisfied with.

As a result, I will unfortunately have to reject your translation, but not at the cause of being bad, but instead, simply no longer required.

I would still like to thank by awarding you with 300 points for taking the time to help me.

Thank you so much, Lilly--I enjoyed working with you on both the English and Portuguese translations.


26 Травня 2008 11:11

Triton21
Кількість повідомлень: 124
Also, in case you were interested, here is the finished product of what I produced for the English translation:


Marco’s gone; he’s never to be seen again
The early morning train arrives, but he’s not in
It’s a loveless heart carrying a metal soul
Throughout this city embraced by this bitter cold
At school his desk is empty, but he’s still in me
From my mind his sweet aroma will never leave
And distance isn’t great enough to break apart
The rhythm being shared by our two hearts

Perhaps if you’re thinking of me
But constantly in a bad mood
If all alone you choose to be
Then rush off to bed without food
And then you squeeze your pillow tight
And fight back tears throughout the night
Then you’ll no longer have to guess
That this pain deep inside your chest
Is caused by loneliness

In my scrapbook I’ve got a photo of you
You’ve got a shy boy’s eyes and a cute smile, too
I hold it against my heart and it’s like you're still here
Amongst all my English and Math assignments, dear
All of your dad’s advice is just the same old thing
Because of work and other problems happening
He took you far and without questions, just demands
Exclaiming: “One day you will understand.”

Perhaps if you’re thinking of me
And with your friends you simply try
To forget how it used to be
It will be hard, and that’s no lie
And school is now a complete bore
I just can’t take this anymore
The Afternoons are dry
I can’t deny
You’re always on my mind

It’s just not possible to break apart
The halves that make us complete
For that please reserve the love that’s in your heart
Let’s not let our dream go weak!

The loneliness between us two
This silence that invades my soul
The scary thought of living without you
Makes living life look dull
For that please wait for me because
Life lacks beauty without your love
It’s just not possible to break apart
The story we have begun

The loneliness between us two
This silence that invades my soul
The scary thought of living without you
Makes living life look dull
For that please wait for me because
Life lacks beauty without your love
It’s just not possible to break apart
The halves that make us complete

26 Травня 2008 14:23

lilian canale
Кількість повідомлень: 14972
Oh, OK Triton.
I'm glad you got your own inspiration!

Don't worry about points, that's not the main aim of our work.

If I was able to help with any ideas I'm satisfied already.
Great work of yours, by the way! A lot better that the version I saw in the net.

Good luck at the talent show, post some photos later!

26 Травня 2008 15:03

Francky5591
Кількість повідомлень: 12396
Hello everybody!
I've been following what happened here with interest, and here's what I'm going to do, which seems fair to me :

- I'll accept Lilian's translation, as she's been working hard on it and deserves the benefit from her work.

- I'll refund Triton his points from this translation request. Triton's work will also be awarded this way, being refund his point is actually equivalent to the fact he would have got them back if his own version was accepted instead of Lilian's




26 Травня 2008 20:53

Triton21
Кількість повідомлень: 124
Hello Francky! I believe that you have taken the proper actions.

Lillian has been a tremendous help along this translation process, and I couldn't have asked for a better partner to work with.

And Lillian: You have been a huge inspiration, you can't imagine how many times I've tried to translate this into English in the past, you were my muse!

Thank you Francky and thank you Lillian--it was a great experience.