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Превод - Английски-Латински - I desire your kiss

Текущо състояниеПревод
Този текст го има и на следните езици: ИталианскиАнглийскиИспанскиЕсперантоЛатински

Категория Поезия - Любов / Приятелство

Молбата е за превод само на смисъла.
Заглавие
I desire your kiss
Текст
Предоставено от blood
Език, от който се превежда: Английски Преведено от alexfatt

I desire your kiss
just like the wheel of a mill
waits for the water

Заглавие
Suavium tuum cupio
Превод
Латински

Преведено от alexfatt
Желан език: Латински

Suavium tuum cupio
sicut aqua exspectatur
a rota molaris
Забележки за превода
"suavium" if it is about a kiss of passion.

"basium" if it is about a kiss of love.

Aneta B.
За последен път се одобри от Aneta B. - 1 Юни 2011 01:11





Последно мнение

Автор
Мнение

14 Май 2011 20:17

Aneta B.
Общо мнения: 4487
Hi Alex!

Unfortunately I have some doubts.

Haiku? (5+7+5)

Tu-um os-cu-lum op-to --> 7
ut a-qua exs-pe-cta-tur a --> 8
ro-ta mo-la-ri --> 5

Furthermore,

opto? --> I wish
I desire --> cupio

"a" at the end of the line doesn't look well.

rota molari?

15 Май 2011 00:29

alexfatt
Общо мнения: 1538
Hi dear!

I was taught that, when reading Latin poetry, there is a basic rule to follow:
- if a word ends in a vowel (or vowel + m), that/those letter(s) must not be pronounced if the following word starts with a vowel (e.g. boni amici -> must be pronounced bon' amici ; bonum amicum -> must be pronounced bon' amicum).

So, if this rule works, syllables are OK:

Tu-' os-cu-l' op-to --> 5
ut a-qu' exs-pe-cta-tur a --> 7
ro-ta mo-la-ri --> 5

According to my dictionary:
- "ruota da mulino" -> "rota molaris"
- "desiderare" -> "cupio" or "opto"

I tried to do my best in order to maintain haiku structure as well as the meaning. Nothing more to declare. I'll wait for your remarks.

15 Май 2011 16:25

Aneta B.
Общо мнения: 4487
I believe, dear Alex, you did your best to adapt Latin rules to Haiku pattern.
But, I am not sure we can mix Latin with Japanese poetry system.
You know, the rules which you were talking about were going together with specific ancient Greek and Latin metrical system which was based on accentual meters/feet such as iambic, dactylic, trochaic, spondaic, anapestic… Accents and vowel length dictated the rules. The same meters were used later in English poetry, but Japenese haiku was based rather on "syllabic system" than on "accentual"…
Hm… I’m not an expert in this area, but, however, we can follow your idea of course if you want.

You’re right that “ rota molaris” = “wheel of a mill”, but I just asked why you had typed: “rota molari”??? There is no reason to put "molaris" in the ablative. "Rota", of course, was supposed to appear in the ablative after “a”, but not its compliment “molaris”!

You know “opto” is specific. It may mean “desidero”, but only if it has a sens “to want sth for somebody”. For example “Tempus pulchrum tibi opto” =I wish/desire you had a good time or "I want to do sth" = "Opto magis sentire quam scire" = "I prefer/wish to feel rather than to know".


16 Май 2011 18:41

alexfatt
Общо мнения: 1538
Uhm now I realize what you meant...

I thought that "molaris" was an adjective, so I put it in the ablative case along with the noun it is referred to. Well, if it's a noun (included in the 3rd declension, I presume), there's no reason to decline it. You're right dear!

Lilian said (here, in Spanish) that, if it's not possible to maintain both haiku structure and meaning, at least the translation should be written in three lines. According to this and to your remarks, here's what I suggest:

Osculum tuum cupio
ut aqua exspectatur
a rota molaris.


Tell me if you're happy with it

Another little question... Which is the difference between "osculum" (no related term in any modern Romance language), "basium" (ancestor of French bise, bisou, Italian bacio, Spanish beso, Portuguese beijo... and many others) and "suavium"? My dictionary only explains that "basium" is considered vulgar, and "suavium" and "osculum" are considered more formal.

Dziękuję bardzo za wszystko, Aneto

16 Май 2011 22:40

Aneta B.
Общо мнения: 4487
Yes, I am happy...
Only one more suggestion:

"Osculum tuum cupio
sicut aqua exspectatur
a rota molaris".

'A propos these Latin kisses, I can't say there are any significant differences among them.

1. Osculum” = sweet mouth, kiss (from “osculor, osculari” to kiss, to make a fuss of)
2. “Basium” = kiss (from „basio, basiare” to kiss)
3. “Suavium/savium”= kiss (from “savior, saviari” = to kiss)




16 Май 2011 22:53

alexfatt
Общо мнения: 1538

16 Май 2011 23:11

Aneta B.
Общо мнения: 4487
Oh! Look what I found out!

"The Romans separated kisses into three categories: the oscula for friendship, the basia for love and the suavia for passion"

So maybe suavia would work better in this context?
What do you think?

16 Май 2011 23:37

alexfatt
Общо мнения: 1538
Wow! Thank you for investigating, dear!

For sure I wouldn't choose osculum. Suavium looks like the best choice, but I suggest the distinction between "basium" and "suavium" be written in the remarks field. Would you mind doing it for me, dear?

It's interesting that many language have two or more words to say "kiss"... Unfortunately Italian lacks of specific words describing such a beautiful activity

16 Май 2011 23:49

Aneta B.
Общо мнения: 4487

It was really good you asked the question!

We have some different names for kisses in Polish too:całus, pocałunek, buziak.