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Traduction - Polonais-Anglais - Podziwiam Prawo Twe Stwórco

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Titre
Podziwiam Prawo Twe Stwórco
Texte
Proposé par Aneta B.
Langue de départ: Polonais

Dałeś nam Ziemię swoją
i pouczyłeś
by była kochana
Bliźniego postawiłeś niczym krzyż
i pouczyłeś
by był kochany

WOLNOŚĆ dałeś

by MIŁOŚĆ rozdała
Commentaires pour la traduction
British English

Titre
I admire Thy law, o Lord
Traduction
Anglais

Traduit par iluvmilka
Langue d'arrivée: Anglais

Thou hast given us Thine Earth
And taught us
To love her
Thou hast given us our neighbours as a cross to bear
And taught us
To love them

Thou hast given FREEDOM
for LOVE to distribute
Dernière édition ou validation par kafetzou - 18 Octobre 2009 18:26





Derniers messages

Auteur
Message

19 Septembre 2009 23:07

Aneta B.
Nombre de messages: 4487
Beautiful, Ania!!!

I would only like to put in some archaic words like in the previous poem of mine:


I Admire your law, oh Lord --> I Admire Thy law, (oh) Lord

the Earth of yours -->the Earth of Thee


19 Septembre 2009 23:17

kafetzou
Nombre de messages: 7963
You could use the archaic "you" throughout - if you don't, it sounds a little strange in English:

Thou hast given us Thine Earth
And taught us
To love her
Thou hast (put up our neighbours like a cross)
And taught us
To love them

Thou hast given FREEDOM
for LOVE to distribute

The part that I put in parenthesis I don't understand. Is this an expression in Polish? It has no meaning in English (to put someone or something up like a cross = ???).

19 Septembre 2009 23:18

kafetzou
Nombre de messages: 7963
Sorry - I missed the title (it's not in the translation field:

I Admire Thy Law, O Lord

19 Septembre 2009 23:22

Aneta B.
Nombre de messages: 4487
Wow! How archaic it is! Even "hast" as "have"!

Ania didn't know I wanted it to have archaic... (I forgot to type it in the remark field)

19 Septembre 2009 23:25

kafetzou
Nombre de messages: 7963
Well, you can't say "thou have" in English - it's either all the way or not at all.

19 Septembre 2009 23:27

Aneta B.
Nombre de messages: 4487
Yes, we often forget about titles, meanwhile they are important ingredients of the poems...

Since you've chosen "Thy Law", so shouldn't be "Thy Earth", Laura?

19 Septembre 2009 23:43

Aneta B.
Nombre de messages: 4487
Laura "to put someone or something up like a cross" isn't any idiomatic expression. This is other metaphor of mine... I meant that God gave us people (our brothers/fellow men/neighbours) as a cross, because we have to share their cares and problems... Is it clear now?

And even they are like a cross for us, we should love them... This is a real meaning...

16 Octobre 2009 19:40

Aneta B.
Nombre de messages: 4487
Admire Thy law, (oh) Lord

Thou hast given us Thine Earth
And taught us
To love her
Thou hast given our neighbours like a cross to us
And taught us
To love them

Thou hast given FREEDOM
for LOVE to distribute


Can it be acceptable, Lilly??

CC: lilian canale

16 Octobre 2009 21:03

lilian canale
Nombre de messages: 14972
I'm sorry Aneta, but like Kafetzou, I still haven't gotten the exact meaning of that line.

Could it be:

"Thou hast given us our brothers to carry like a cross"?


16 Octobre 2009 21:40

Aneta B.
Nombre de messages: 4487
Thank you Lilly for your quick answer!

Well,this Polish line has a methaphorical meaning. It is not any Polish idiom, but only a kind of methaphor of mine.

So,
brothers/neighbours = a cross

--> to place/stand/put up brothers as a cross

How do you call in English the action of "placing the cross in a ground"?

but we can add the word "to carry". We haven't got it in the source, but I like it and it completes the meaning in a great way!

16 Octobre 2009 22:40

lilian canale
Nombre de messages: 14972
That would be "stick (thrust into) the ground", I guess.

What about:

"Thou hast stuck our brothers into us like a cross (into the ground)"?

16 Octobre 2009 23:00

Aneta B.
Nombre de messages: 4487
Great, Lilly!!! (without the words in brackets will be fine)
Thank you so much!


16 Octobre 2009 23:49

kafetzou
Nombre de messages: 7963
Oops - sorry, girls - I didn't see any of these comments until now!

1) Aneta, if you don't put the title in the translation field, it might not be translated with care - the title field is just for the title of the translation request, and translating it does not give the translator any points.

2) In English, we have the expression "a cross to bear", so I would suggest the following:

I admire Thy law, o Lord

Thou hast given us Thine Earth
And taught us
To love her
Thou hast given us our neighbours as a cross to bear
And taught us
To love them

Thou hast given FREEDOM
for LOVE to distribute


Just one question: Who did the Lord give freedom to? Should it be "given us FREEDOM"?

16 Octobre 2009 23:54

Aneta B.
Nombre de messages: 4487
ad.1 (firstly) Yes, I know, Laura, I'm still forgetting about titles...I'm sorry. I will do my best to correct myself.

ad.2 (secondly) Your version is just fantastic! Period!

17 Octobre 2009 00:51

Aneta B.
Nombre de messages: 4487
But, Laura, I like Lilian's proposition very much too and it is difficult for me to decide which is better.

I'd like iluvmilka uttered the word before accepting this translation, ok? She knows Polish and English very well, so her opinion, and Lilian's opinion of course, is very important too.

CC: lilian canale

18 Octobre 2009 18:26

kafetzou
Nombre de messages: 7963
iluvmilka has voted for the translation as it stands. I'm going to accept it.

18 Octobre 2009 22:50

Aneta B.
Nombre de messages: 4487
Thank you girls!