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Tradução - Francês-Inglês - Expédition

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Categoria Poesia - Arte / Criação / Imaginação

Título
Expédition
Texto
Enviado por casper tavernello
Língua de origem: Francês Traduzido por turkishmiss

Seulement une partie du champ est semée
tu pars néanmoins pour l'autre expédition

Parcourant les routes
Paupières gonflées
Odeur de fumée
Chant de la cigale

se perdant au loin les collines escarpées
tu pars néanmoins pour l'autre expédition

Lumières éteintes
Rues inachevées
Ce n'est plus ta maison
Maintenant c'est seulement une crique

Voyons à quoi jouent les enfants
voyons à quoi jouent les enfants
Une voix douce et suave appelle

Après la tempête

Dans un cérémonial de trains, de voies et de tunnels
Qui ira se joindre à toi
Pendant l’expédition vers nulle part ?

Título
Journey
Tradução
Inglês

Traduzido por Urunghai
Língua alvo: Inglês

Only a part of the field is sowed
nevertheless, setting off on another journey

Roaming the paths
Eyelids swollen
Scent of smoke
Song of a cicada

Losing sight of the steep hills far away
nevertheless, setting off on another journey

Lights turned out
Unfinished streets
You are home no longer
There's nothing but a cove here

Let's see what the children are playing
Let's see what the children are playing
A soft and gentle voice is calling

After the storm

During a ritual of trains, tracks and tunnels
Who will go and join you
on your journey to nowhere?
Última validação ou edição por IanMegill2 - 19 Setembro 2007 15:05





Última Mensagem

Autor
Mensagem

17 Setembro 2007 16:35

casper tavernello
Número de mensagens: 5057
Ay caramba!!!
Sorry.
It's 'swollen'.

17 Setembro 2007 22:44

casper tavernello
Número de mensagens: 5057
I 'hitnk

18 Setembro 2007 05:50

IanMegill2
Número de mensagens: 1671
I do not read Brazilian, but here are my comments from the French:

tu pars néanmoins pour l'autre expédition
is
YOU nevertheless leave on the other journey
("journey": as per caspertavernello, the original author's preference , q.v. supra)

se perdant au loin les collines escarpées
is not good French, and should probably read
se perdant au loin des collines escarpées
which is in English
losing his way far beyond the steep hills

voyons à quoi jouent les enfants
means not
let's see what the children are playing WITH
but just
let's see what the children are playing
i.e. what game they are playing

Finally, very small point: the English
Who is going to join you
would be in French
Qui se joindra à toi
because the "is going to" would be taken as expressing the simple future, not the act of physically going, so in English I believe we would have to say
Who will go and join you

To help make a good translation even better!

18 Setembro 2007 13:56

casper tavernello
Número de mensagens: 5057
Perfect.

18 Setembro 2007 16:02

Urunghai
Número de mensagens: 464
Awful when you translate something, then see the original text has been modified.
Must have missed the change from "il part" to "tu pars"
About the steep hills, "des" makes more sense indeed. I'll edit those asap.

I'm a little bit confused about the "ira te joindre" though.
If "Qui va te joindre" means something like "Who's going to join you?", I'd say "Qui ira te joindre?" means "Who will be going to join you?"
Of course, when talking about a journey it'd make more sense to talk about the phyical going, therefore I'll change that one too.

Thanks for the help Ian!


18 Setembro 2007 16:21

casper tavernello
Número de mensagens: 5057
Just a little point about 'Losing your way' that's not clear and I forgot the first time.
That's an expression in portuguese perder de vista that I can't find a precise matching so I'll ask it to the "universtários" (internal joke).



CC: Borges goncin thathavieira

18 Setembro 2007 16:29

thathavieira
Número de mensagens: 2247
Not too sure about that, but maybe: as far as eyes can see?

19 Setembro 2007 06:58

IanMegill2
Número de mensagens: 1671
Hi again everybody,

Sorry, I must have missed the one other major difference between the English and French (again, bearing in mind I don't read Brazilian! ). It was that the English

Still far away from home

is in the French translation, literally

It's not your home anymore

which I think may actually mean

Your home is not there anymore

This seems to make the most sense, because it is followed by

Nothing but a cove now

i.e. all together, the meaning is "Your house is gone, and now there's only a cove where your house once stood."

Hmm...caspertavernello? Judgment, please?

--

Oh, with the latest suggestions from caspertavernello and Thathavieira, maybe that line about the hills should read

As far as the eye can see, beyond the steep hills

or even

Further than anyone can see, beyond the steep hills

?
In Quebec, there is a similar expression "perdre de vue," which means "to lose sight of," often because the object you're trying to see has moved too far away. So I think I know what you mean, if these two expressions are similar in meaning.
--

To Urunghai (and anybody else who cares!) about the expression of the future tense:

Confusion would arise in the mind of someone who only could read English, because "going to...," to a native English speaker, simply indicates a future tense to the verb following it, i.e.
"I'm going to eat"
doesn't mean
"I'm going to go somewhere and eat"
but rather it's just another way of saying
"I will eat"
with a little more certainty.

Maybe you can consider it this way:
"I'm going to eat" is, say, 90% sure that you will eat.
"I will eat" might be about 80% sure (or something like that).

That's why we don't usually say
"I guess I'm going to..."
if we are talking about a possibility we are considering undertaking, but rather
"I guess I'll..."
You see how the "I'll" (will) form for the future has a more "tentative" feel to it...

When I teach English here in Japan, the following percentages are a very rough guide to the tentative <--> certain nuances:

I will meet John tomorrow (80%? )
I'm going to meet John tomorrow (90%? )
I'm meeting John tomorrow (95%? )

You see how all these ways of saying so mean the same thing, with just increasing levels of certainty...


Maybe!

So Urunghai, you said:

>I'm a little bit confused about the "ira te
>joindre" though.
>If "Qui va te joindre" means something like
>"Who's going to join you?", I'd say "Qui ira te
>joindre?" means "Who will be going to join you?"

Exactly!

Qui va te joindre = Who will (or, is going to) join you
Qui ira te joindre = Who will go (to where you are) and join you

"Qui s'en va te joindre" would be "Who is on his way to join you?"
(lit. Who is going to join you? but as I said before, this would be confusing for someone who only understood English.)

Small differences in form can indicate significant differences in meaning sometimes, as is true in perhaps every language in the world...

So I guess everybody is sick of my explaining now! But at least you can see you much I love language!

CC: casper tavernello Urunghai

19 Setembro 2007 13:26

IanMegill2
Número de mensagens: 1671
Hi guys,

So, what do you think of the following modifications before I validate it:

Losing your way far beyond the steep hills

I plan to make into

Further than the eye can see, beyond the steep hills

and

It's not your home anymore

I plan to make into

Your house is not there any more

and then, I'll validate this translation!

Any objections?

CC: casper tavernello Urunghai

19 Setembro 2007 14:01

casper tavernello
Número de mensagens: 5057
Try to figure out you are out in a journey and you get to a place and think:
Good, I'm finally not home anymore! I'm very far away from it!. Like telling this person that this is a place for a new beginning.
This is what means 'não mais sua casa'.

So distant that s/he can't see those hills anymore.
Those hills are desapearing on the horizon.

19 Setembro 2007 14:09

casper tavernello
Número de mensagens: 5057
Losing the sight of the steep hills.
Is it right?

19 Setembro 2007 14:39

IanMegill2
Número de mensagens: 1671
Thanks casper,
So how about if I replace

Your home's not there anymore
Nothing else but a cove now

with

You are home no longer
There's nothing but a cove here

and

Further than the eye can see, beyond the steep hills

with

Losing sight of the steep hills far away

Sound good?

CC: casper tavernello

19 Setembro 2007 14:46

Urunghai
Número de mensagens: 464
I think this one gets a prize for most edited translation ever :P

19 Setembro 2007 14:52

IanMegill2
Número de mensagens: 1671

19 Setembro 2007 14:55

casper tavernello
Número de mensagens: 5057
Yeah. Good. You caught the sense.
But the first two parts are narrative/descriptive, not so personal (like to say "you" and/or "s/he" ).
If you do it this way, you can validate it.

A very good team work!
Thanks a lot (again) for your goodwilling, Ian.

19 Setembro 2007 14:59

casper tavernello
Número de mensagens: 5057
Losing sight of the steep hills far away
is very nice!

19 Setembro 2007 14:59

IanMegill2
Número de mensagens: 1671
Yeah, I've read casper's descriptions again, and I feel confident that I do understand what he meant, so I'm just going to go ahead and do the alterations I suggested to him and then validate it!

Sorry to drag this out so long, everybody!
I just wanted everyone concerned to be as satisfied as possible with the final product!

CC: casper tavernello Urunghai

19 Setembro 2007 15:08

IanMegill2
Número de mensagens: 1671
Done!

I also enjoyed the fine team work, in making the best translation possible! That's the beauty of , in my opinion!

5 Outubro 2007 13:52

Maribel
Número de mensagens: 871
All this discussion is really necessary! Trying to consider the finnish translation I find some akward expressions but also some expressions that are done very differently in other languages. It is very difficult to balance among ideas not being familiar with the source language... At least with the posts here the translator and I will reach a better translation to say the least.

6 Outubro 2007 01:21

IanMegill2
Número de mensagens: 1671
That's great, Maribel! I'm glad all our "hair-splitting" was helpful to someone after all!

CC: Maribel
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