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569Translation - English-Finnish - Each small candle

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Requested translations: Literary Chinese

กลุ่ม Song

This translation request is "Meaning only".
Title
Each small candle
Text
Submitted by Rumo
Source language: English

Not the torturer will scare me
Nor the body's final fall
Nor the barrels of death's rifles
Nor the shadows on the wall
Nor the night when to the ground
The last dim star of pain is hurled
But the blind indifference
Of a merciless unfeeling world

And each small candle
Lights a corner of the dark...
Remarks about the translation
From a song by Roger Waters
Source: http://www.roger-waters.com/candle.html

Please keep sense and meaning, translations have not necessarily got to be as poetical (but if you have nice lyrical ideas, don't hesitate to use them).^^





Title
Jokainen pieni kynttilä
Translation
Finnish

Translated by elpasa
Target language: Finnish

Ei kiduttaja minua pelota
Ei kehon viimeinen värähdys
Ei kuolemankiväärien piiput
Ei varjot seinällä
Ei maan päälle langennut yö
Kun sammuu viimeinen himmeä tuskan tähti
Vaan sokea välinpitämättömyys
Turtuneen, armottoman maailman

Ja jokainen pieni kynttilä
Valaisee pimeyttä...
Validated by Maribel - 26 August 2007 08:40





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16 May 2007 11:34

Maribel
จำนวนข้อความ: 871
Yes, this should be discussed as it is a difficult one to interpret.

I like the second line. First some thoughts for you to consider. Maybe I would go as far as to use "kiduttaja" and "kiväärit".
"Mutta sokea tarkoituksettomuus
Turtuneen armottoman maailman"
This certainly one way to put it although I personally would very much like to use "välinpitämättömyys" instead of tarkoituksettomuus and "tunteeton" instead of turtunut. Question of style I think.

Then two spots where there is a real problem:

"Ei maan päälle langennut yö
Viimeinen vaipunut tuskan sydän on syöksynyt"
Could you think of changing this a bit? Maybe with "tuskan tähti sammunut"...

"musta aukko" ? How do you feel about this, any other suggestions?

Please write something when voting, I feel we should cooperate here, thank you.

2 June 2007 09:14

Maribel
จำนวนข้อความ: 871
Mielipiteitä puoleen ja toiseen, mutta ei ehdotuksia valitettavasti. Ehkä haluat vielä muokata, elpasa?

3 August 2007 16:30

hagios
จำนวนข้อความ: 10
Tuskan sydän should be tuskan tähti

26 August 2007 08:39

Maribel
จำนวนข้อความ: 871
Sorry this has taken so long, but it was very difficult to decide should I edit only a word or two or more... You'll get good ranking points for the language. The editing is mainly opinion-based but I feel that the writer wants to express his point very strongly and I chose to edit a bit more.