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59Translation - Turkish-English - ANLATTIKÇA

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Title
ANLATTIKÇA
Text
Submitted by xotek
Source language: Turkish

Anlattıkça kış vuruyor satırlarıma

Anlattıkça üşüyor, anlattıkça ısınıyor yüreğim.
Bugün sardunyalarım da açmadı
Belki de küskün renklere
Ellerimde günah gibi yaşayamadıklarım
Sensiz soluyorum anlayacağın
Mavi mavi ölüyorum

Duyuyor musun, orada mısın,
Var mısın, yok musun?
Bir tek ÅŸeyi unutma!

Seni sevdim ben.

Yanarak, yıkılarak
Aklıma her geldiğinde ağlayarak....

Title
AS I SPEAK
Translation
English

Translated by handyy
Target language: English

As I speak, winter strikes my lines

As I speak, my heart feels cold, but at the same time, it gets warm
Today my geraniums didn't blossom either
Perhaps, they're offended by the colours
In my hands, as sins, are the experiences I couldn't have
In other words, I'm fading without you
I'm dying bluely

Do you hear me? Are you there?
Do you exist or not?
Don't forget just one thing:

Burning, breaking down,
and crying every time you come back to my mind, I loved you!
Remarks about the translation
-- Anlattıkça üşüyor, anlattıkça ısınıyor yüreğim - -> iki kere kullanmaktan bilerek kaçındım

--anlayacağın=yani=başka bir deyişle,vs.

--special thanks to LILIAN CANALE (who helped me sooo much):x :x

(handyy)

Validated by lilian canale - 30 June 2008 21:31





Last messages

Author
Message

27 June 2008 00:31

lilian canale
Number of messages: 14972
Ouch handyy!

This one will be tough! Let's start with this part:

"As long as I tell, winter strikes my lines
As long as I tell, my heart both feels cold and gets warm, too."

Put that in different words to see if I get it.

29 June 2008 22:58

handyy
Number of messages: 2118
I knew that it was gonna be tough..

-- (actually, first sentence is figurative.) anyway, here "strike" means -for light, a shadow, rain, etc.- "to fall on". (for example: A bright light struck her face.)

-- as for the second sentence; During the time that I tell/narrate, my hearth feels cold, and at the same time it gets warm.

29 June 2008 23:10

lilian canale
Number of messages: 14972
That's what I thought.
It doesn't make sense because you used "as long as" instead of "while" or "as".
What you mean is that " things happen at the same time"
"As I speak, the winter strikes my lines
As I speak, my heart feels cold and also gets warm"

What do you think?

29 June 2008 23:13

handyy
Number of messages: 2118
done!

30 June 2008 01:27

lilian canale
Number of messages: 14972
OK, but that was just the beginning
Let's go on to the 3rd and 4th lines...

"My geraniums also didn't blossom today
Perhaps, they're offended by colours "

That "also" in the negative sentence does not sound well, it should be "either". But the syntax should change to:

"Today, my geraniums didn't blossom either
Perhaps they are ('ve gotten/feel) offended by the colours"


29 June 2008 23:55

handyy
Number of messages: 2118
Ooooops! (will we go through all lines? )

ok, I'll edit it, too.

30 June 2008 00:15

lilian canale
Number of messages: 14972
Come on! It's not that hard!

"On my hands are what I couldn't live as if they were sins
In other words, I'm fading without you
I'm dying bluely and bluely "

What is there in your hands? Those things you couldn't experience?
In that case it could be:

"In my hands, as sins, are the things I couldn't live".


That "bluely and bluely" I think should be "bluer and bluer" or just one "bluely".

30 June 2008 00:26

handyy
Number of messages: 2118
In my hands, as sins, are what I couldn't live.

can I say it like that?

(btw, ı am hopeful about the rest lines. should I ?? )

30 June 2008 00:55

lilian canale
Number of messages: 14972
"the experiences I couldn't have" would sound better.
Is that the meaning?

30 June 2008 01:14

handyy
Number of messages: 2118
That is REALLY better!

thankss

30 June 2008 01:24

lilian canale
Number of messages: 14972
Ok, now...finally:


"Can you hear (me)? Are you there?
Do you exist or not?
Don't forget(remember?) just one thing:

Burning, breaking down,
and crying, all the time you come back to my mind." (Who's burning, etc....? I? you?)

30 June 2008 01:33

handyy
Number of messages: 2118
(finally!)

-- Burning, (...) I loved you!

30 June 2008 01:47

lilian canale
Number of messages: 14972
So, if it's I'm burning...I think it would be better:

"I burn, break down and cry every time you come back to my mind.
I loved you"

Or did I misunderstood the meaning?

30 June 2008 03:31

handyy
Number of messages: 2118
maybe, "with burning, etc, I loved you". Is it weird?

30 June 2008 03:40

lilian canale
Number of messages: 14972
handyy, the way it is, what is undestood is that the other person, the "addressee" is the one burning, breaking down, crying.

"Don't forget just one thing:
Burning, breaking down,
and crying at all the time you come back to my mind"

See what I mean? "you" is the only subject there.


30 June 2008 03:50

handyy
Number of messages: 2118
what about using an exclamation mark after "Don't forget just one thing", and, if necessary, writing "I love you" right after "...come back to my mind"??

------
Don't forget just one thing!

Burning, breaking down,
and crying at all the time you come back to my mind, I loved you!

30 June 2008 04:02

lilian canale
Number of messages: 14972
Oh, now we are speaking the same language!

Punctuation works miracles!
Here is the final version:

As I speak, the winter strikes my lines
As I speak, my heart feels cold, but at the same time, it gets warm.
Today my geraniums didn't blossom either.
Perhaps, they're offended by the colours.
In my hands, as sins, are the experiences I couldn't have.
In other words, I'm fading without you.
I'm dying bluely.

Can you hear me? Are you there?
Do you exist or not?
Don't forget just one thing:

Burning, breaking down,
and crying every time you come back to my mind, I loved you!


Is that right?

30 June 2008 04:03

handyy
Number of messages: 2118
yeeeeppp, exactly

30 June 2008 04:06

lilian canale
Number of messages: 14972
Great!

Congrats for us!

Let's see if the poll doesn't bring any trouble
hahahaha

Good work

30 June 2008 04:11

handyy
Number of messages: 2118
Congrats for you - and a little for me

sorry, as I made you tired and thanks a lot for your patience and help